Forgiveness - For Me????

This morning on the way to work (yep, same spot on Norvell Road) God nudged me to turn on the radio and Family Life Radio especially, which isn’t often my first choice. I haven’t listened to music in the car much lately … just relish the silence. For a minute I relented because the rest of my day would be filled with noise right up to hitting the pillow, but that nudge became very strong. Funny, when I did turn the radio on, the station was right there (usually its W4 Country).

First conversation was talking about bugs, then the news (some microwave oatmeal story – tastes better cooked for 25-30 minutes okay?!), then back to music. Casting Crowns. East to West. Especially these words … “But today I feel like I’m just one mistake away from You leaving me this way … In the arms of your mercy I find rest, ‘cause You know just how far the east is from the west. From one scarred hand to the other” all these years I’ve thought those lyrics were like placing my scars (consequences of sin) into his scarred hands … and this morning I saw/felt/understood/imagined and could feel the motion across my chest as the soldiers would have taken Christ’s arms and spread them on the cross, then the nails puncturing his wrists/hands making those scars … the pain, the angst, the Blood.

You can imagine the healing in tears, the forgiveness, and Pastor’s words from Sunday’s sermon came to me echoing Prof Shuta’s words from class time and time again, we just are to receive (this garment from Matthew 22:1-14), just receive, just receive … Jesus, Thy Blood and Righteousness, thy beauty are my glorious dress, ‘midst flaming worlds in these arrayed, with JOY shall I lift up my head. Oh how hard it is to stand at that place of unworthiness and look up into the loving face of Jesus, then fall into His arms, those arms that were stretched out for you and for me. Surrender.

Then a moment of doubt crept in, Lord, is your forgiveness really for me … I know it is for others … but is it really, really, really for me? There is just so much in all of this for me today, and a few lyrics from a song to jar me loose and send its message home to my heart. So very much. Thoughts from class came flooding in again, the purpose of God’s (My) Word … is to produce worship. Sixty-six love letters. Written by the hand of man, but by the very Breathe of God. And again, as your mind roles through word pictures of all the verses that you’ve ever read, perhaps memorized, the stories and once again I see the mystery, the awe of a God that would love me so much – ME full of sin, full of junk, full of selfishness, and full of nothing worthy of salvation.

Almost wiped the sweat from my brown and was thankful I made the move to turn the radio on this morning. Wow, what I would have missed.

Maybe some of these lyrics will bless you today as well. You can find them at http://artists.letssingit.com/casting-crowns-lyrics-east-to-west-xngr6x5

Grace and peace ... grace and peace to you this day.

What's Missing? Awe.

Good morning all … at least I think its morning. Maybe its my imagination, but this ‘morning’ seems darker than most! Here’s a big question all of us have been asking on and off in the past few years …. My professor asked it of us yesterday in class ….

Why does worship seem hard to get people involved, active, seemingly alive?

You can imagine that I sat up and took huge notice …. The ‘kids’ didn’t seem to have an answer, and I was certainly fishing for just one myself.

He went on to say, “Because its hard today to get people in ‘awe’ of anything.” He stopped so we could picture that in our minds eyes. My mind saw videos, flashing lights, ‘stuff’, then moved to the mundane daily grind before the ‘aha’ light went on. He went on to say, “We make God too familiar. Worship should take you out of the ordinary (it should be different than the everyday) and take you into the extraordinary.”

He left it right there and went on with “so what is the purpose of scripture?”

He didn’t wait for us to answer.

“Purpose of scripture is to draw us into worship.”

A lot fell into place with me, I’m sure its not the first time I’ve heard it from him, and honestly, I KNOW IT, but its often buried, so I took IT off the shelf and blew away the dust. This class has forced me to go beyond a daily routine of reading God’s word and worshipping … its like the top of my head has a new opening now … and I want to go outside of that box/skull. I want to know more. I want to know HIM more. Sound like a lyric line of a song?

“While we humans can never exhaust the complexity of God in whatever we say, nevertheless, on the basis of His self-revelation to us we can at least express what we do know of Him on that basis.” Shuta says this in every class in some form or fashion and at some point. Sometimes he stands there and says just two words, “exhaust, express” …. And we connect. And I think that we should ‘say’ those ‘words’ in someway, at some time, through our music and worship leading each and every week. Inspire awe.

I think I’m getting it. Five weeks, 15 hours of class time, the hours on homework is phenomenal, just 83 questions from this Tuesday to Thursday, and they ain’t just fill in the blank. Reading, reading, and reading some more. Then questions have five or six Bible verses to help you ‘find’ the answer, and the answer isn’t just one word. It’s a thought process. And well, you know what my thought processes are from experiencing Worship Updates often. It’s stretching me, I’ve gone from digging in, to frustration levels enough to want to quit, to digging back in, countless times, knowing it’s the Holy Spirit who is drawing me back in. So, I put my stake in the ground here and now and decided to stop counting and am working on getting ‘out of my head’ on this one … taking the journey.

I pray that you all, at some juncture of your life, decide to dig deeper. Ladies, there is opportunity right at your doorstep for two more weeks of Beth Moore study on Tuesday nights and Thursday mornings. Last night, I decided that I was truly designed for the Feast of Tabernacles. That’s all I want to say, other than Pastor and I are having discussions on something from this/like this for Lent. Men, work Adult Bible Class into your Sunday mornings when you are not scheduled and any other ways of connecting (www.allprodad.com). Team, let’s find ways of re-integrating the study of God’s Word into our ‘assemblies’ when we are together … let’s discover together how that can be best done. You won’t be sorry, oh, no. Not in the least.

God in the Ordinary

Life is noisy. Life comes at you whether you want it to or not. Life is ... life! Sometimes you can't turn off the noise until you've had a few hours of sleep. Then, boom, you're wide awake. I wondered for the second week in a row, why I lay wide awake again, even asked God ... why? why? Tried a mantra of 'I'm sleepy, I'm sleepy, I'm sleepy." Not enough sheep to count. I think he asked me to stop thinking, just listen ... and you know what I noticed in the silence of the night last night?

How loud it is outside at this time of the year!!! Night insects, bugs and crickets … perhaps their last hurrahs? The melodies and cacophony was almost deafening. It made me take notice and at first I thought, oh great, I'll never get back to sleep. But as I laid there, still and listening, it made me remember a more protected time in life, when was a young kid, hours of silence and listening, perhaps even a bit bored, at my grandmother’s house, upstairs, above the hub-bub of my little brothers and the extra loud TV (she was deaf ever since I can remember), reading Readers Digests – thousands of stories (grandma’s a pack rat), the radio slightly static as you couldn't quite tune in a Buffalo radio station with top 20 music. Slightly warm breezes blowing in the window, delightful smells from the kitchen, wafting up the stairs (she’s an awesome baker and cook and thinks you need to eat continually). Then there was Grandpa's huge laugh as he asked anyone to pull his finger in the garage turned into the coolest spot on hot summer days, complete with its own refrigerator! My brothers giggling as they played the ump-teenth game of dominoes or 'pee on your neighbor' card game with him. The pop of yet another soda can(that’s when it was special to drink pop). Hey that brings back tons of lulling comfort to a noisy heart and mind but more assuredly, a chance to revel in God’s gentle presence – and His voice - extra-ordinarily concise and clear.

Turn My Darkness Into Day

Praying that your week is getting off to an awesome start. I’ve been contemplating/considering/praying about taking a college class this semester and knew today was the decision-ary day. Last week, I continued to gather information and see how the ‘door’ was opening … I always wonder though, am I forcing the door open or is this a God leading thing. I’ve felt His hand through it, as its origin came from a source I would not have probably expected in early June. So this morning on the way to work, I just simply asked the Lord, so what do you think now? An old hymn, probably learned in grade school, came to mind. “Holy Spirit, Light Divine, Shine upon this heart of mine, chase the shades of night away, turn my darkness into day.” At the same time, this tune was rumbling through my head, I was trekking towards work … and sure enough, there was the breaking of day a “chase the shades of night away” if you will venture with me on this. I think I received my answer … the sky was literally breaking in two, there was a darkness, and a band of light beginning to stretch across the horizon, a very definitive band of light. It was cool. Some low lying clouds of different textures and colors and were also literally being chased (moved) by the daylight breaking through. And those of you who know me, know that ‘something’ told me just a mile or so earlier, to get out my camera (see picture!). The class? Doctrine 101 (really called THY301). Ground floor pre-min stuff, but I know the Holy Spirit can use that class to turn my darkness, what I do not see or know, into day through that possibility. I’ll be making my two last connections today… next prayer? There is some sticker shock in the cost of the class, but that too has promise of not being an obstacle. I challenge you to consider the question, how do you make decisions? The first session of Willowcreek Leadership Summit, Bill Hybels talked about decision making … I know some of my courage in this particular decision came from that. I could go on a personal story with how intimidating college courses (any course for that matter) is with how God fashioned my brain … that too entered my prayer time as a “are You sure God?” this morning later on down I-94 … but I think you know my brain!

Loyalty to Whom?

Digging into Sunday's text today a little further than last night’s staff meeting …. I find what this text (Matthew 10:34-42) is most about is Loyalty. Who are you loyal too? Jesus asks us for us to be loyal to Him, above all. The earlier text talks about a Jesus we often do not want to see, we love all the cushy-comfy stuff that he talks about, but what are these words? I have come with a sword!?
Hey - What happened to ‘my’ prince of peace (cushy/comfy/warm fuzzy peace)? What is true peace? One that comes at all cost. Jesus said that He will stop at nothing for us to be at peace with His Father, to be His brother, to live as His very own here on earth and later on in eternity. No cost was too high for this mighty warrior, not even His very life. And He continues to relentlessly pursue us to ‘this life of peace.’

I don’t know about you, but that is a leader I want to follow … to lay down my life for, my cares, my concerns yes, but my deepest wants and my desires as well. Surrendering it all to this Prince (no wimp here) of Peace. Loyal above all else, even family.

So do we blow off our family or consider them unimportant? No! If you are truly loyal to Jesus, He asks two things of you. Love Me, Love others. That’s it. New commandment to live by. In everything, not just where and how you want to live this life, but the where of where He takes you (even the uncomfortable suffering places). If you are loyal to Jesus, His Holy Spirit will cause you/bend you towards being more faithful and loving to your family (as you let Him of course), because that kind of love flows straight from the heart of Jesus, through You, to others… and yet, yes, you will not place them above Jesus.

Perhaps, these are lessons from Jesus are not easy to wrap your head around. So, take it as a challenge and something to hmmmm about … I pray you do just that as you ready yourself for worship leadership this Sunday, because you cannot effectively take others where you have not first been yourself.

Brianna got one of those Kung Fu Pandas in a happy meal and it was in the very back of my car and every bump I hit it went “ah-chaaaa.” It happened once before, and at that time it cracked me up, but this morning, I likened it to the spiritual warfare going on in and around my life. “ah-chaa” and Karate chops of the devil’s minions nagging at every bump, and the bumps ever increasing and/or not letting up. So today on the way in to work, I sighed deeply and asked God for inspiration to combat the dull ache in my gut that continues to plague me mostly when I’m alone with myself (ha to the bad grammar there – alone with myself – duh! – but whatever, I like it so it stays, poetic license).

I saw no words of inspiration written in the sky and heard none in my heart at the moment I asked for it, so I decided to just take in the scenery, perhaps wait and see what I was visually drawn to. This is what I saw.

Nice, neat, symmetrical green rows of crops with a row of telephone/power lines breaking up (spoiling?) the scenery. Then a little farther down the road, two Sandhill cranes most likely eating the seed newly planted in a field, a few of their babies a short distance away mimicking their parents moves (so funny looking I laughed out loud! Like they shouldn’t be able to stand on their thin hairline legs), and about eight sheep on a green hill.

Of course a few songs came to mind, My Father’s Eyes, I Will Never Be the Same Again, an old children's hymn – There is a Green Hill Far Away, My shepherd became a lamb, I am Jesus’ little lamb. And maybe this is selfish, but I thought to myself … no one going down this very road today will see the same things exactly at the same time as me, so I take it that it was put/painted there – at that moment in time - just for me to enjoy by a tender ovingly artistic God who knows every square inch of me that is visible AND the depths of my soul that no one but He can see.

And all I can think is Wow and all I can say is Thanks, but these simple words are said with a heart that is full and complete in my Savior as they are uttered from the depths and encompass much, much more than words could ever describe.

The dull ache, Yes it’s still there, but there is joy in the simple - living right next to it. Maybe. Just maybe. I am coming out of ‘this.’ And its HE who is leading me out. Or maybe He is just asking me to journey through ‘this’ and assures me that He is in ‘this’ with me.

Keep your eyes open today. And watch HIM will fill your heart with everything you are really longing for which is in reality, just being filled with HIM.